I don’t think there’s anyone in the world that doesn’t crave acceptance or validation from others. I believe we’ve all been wired this way. It’s the reason why we strive to protect how people see us and would do everything to preserve the image people have of us. Are you still wondering why you or some other people struggle with people pleasing?

Validation

It’s why some pastors would bend to please people over pleasing God. It’s the reason why Saul preferred to be seen as a reputable leader over coming clean before God. From the examples given, it’s easy to see how seeking validation from people does more harm than good to us.

I never knew I battled with this people-pleasing syndrome until some time ago in my Christian journey when I noticed I was more concerned about how people viewed me than who I really was. I believed in God, but the way I was perceived by others also mattered. If you read my post here, you’ll know that I’ve come a long way and God is still helping me through this process.

I was bullied as a child and it got so bad I wanted to avoid school in all ways possible. And this fear lingered in me for so long I didn’t know. It affected my confidence and many other things I wasn’t aware of until I grew closer to God.

I don’t know what your story may be, or how your background may have contributed to your inability to find solace in God’s validation, but I want to let you know you are seen and you are loved. Even on the days you feel invisible, God’s validation stays rooting for you.

I know not all days are the same, and there are days when your desire to seek validation from men will overshadow your love for God. In these moments you must run to God and ask him to help you. Don’t be scared to let him know you’re not okay. He already knows you’re not, which is why he came anyway. For soul-sick people like you and me.

Re-affirm God’s truth to your soul

Martin Luther once said

We need to hear the gospel every day, because we forget every day.

The reason why we forget what God says to us is that we’ve forgotten who He is. He’s not a man that should lie, neither is he a son of man that would repent. He’s not fickle like us. He means every word he says. And if he meant it, it’s safe to say he can be trusted. His word can be trusted. When you become more aware of God than yourself and others, you’ll be wrapped up in the thoughts he has for you. You’ll be in awe of his majesty and wonder. The moment you take your eyes away from yourself and back to God, you’ll find yourself desiring his validation above all else.

Whenever I find myself craving validation from others, it’s because I haven’t spent enough time in the word and my soul is slowly drifting into the realms of what I can see, instead of dwelling in the realms of God’s reality. But once I spend time praying in tongues and poring God’s word, my soul finds healing and succor and my validation is certain.

Do you remember when Nicodemus came to Jesus at night and started by saying, “Rabbi, we know that thou art a teacher come from God: for no man can do these miracles that thou doest, except God be with him” Imagine if Jesus allowed the words of Nicodemus to validate him, but Jesus didn’t let it get to him. Instead, Jesus told him point blank what mattered most:

“Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.”

Stop comparing yourself

For those that compare themselves with themselves are not wise.

2 Corinthians 10:12-13

Have you noticed that when we seek the validation of people, comparison comes into play? When people validate us, it’s usually in comparison to others. We feel seen and acknowledged and in that fleeting moment, we feel fulfilled and appreciate our existence. Our souls can easily latch onto these words and if we are not careful, we’ll begin to see ourselves or think of ourselves more highly than we ought. We will even look at others and believe we are better than them when we might not even be close. But we need to remember that men change. Their words too. We tend to praise others when they meet our needs. And if they don’t, our thoughts toward them change.

Our love is so unstable when compared to God’s love.

Whenever we’re not receiving enough validation from God’s love, it’s because we desire it from somewhere else. Our pride is exalted when we are exalted above others. But once you put yourself at the bottom of the ladder, and go as low as possible, (because you have your validation from God already), no comparison will hurt you. You’ve found so much contentment in God’s validation you know the comparison of men has no hold on you. But the moment we start seeking to be better than another in something, then we’re beginning to get lost in the comparison game.

Don’t strive to be what you’re not

We must come to a place where we’re okay with people seeing us for who we really are, and not who we think we are. If we are not comfortable showing our friends who we really are, then are they really our friends? Friends are meant to be vulnerable with one another and anyone who cannot handle your vulnerability may not know what it is to be a friend. If they laugh at your vulnerability or cannot comprehend why you have them, or even judge you for having them, then you need to pray to God to give you faithful friends in your faith journey.

Some years ago, I shared with my close friend how I battled jealousy in one season of my life and she did what any good friend would do. She prayed for me and with me. We were thousands of miles apart yet I felt the impact of her prayer. No judgment, no shame, just me being vulnerable. This was someone who looked up to me but I knew I needed help and that help came in the form of coming clean before her, regardless of the age difference between us. You can read more on that here

Perhaps, it’s not your friends you’re afraid of disappointing, but other men you highly esteem. Well, welcome to earth where everyone is flawed. Even the men you highly esteem are flawed as well. There was a time I felt I kept striving to be seen as a good person until I realized I wasn’t good enough. Only God was and is and he’s helping me with this perfection business of becoming like His Son. So why should I pretend to be saved when I was still in the process of being saved? The only advocate I have is Jesus. And he knows me inside out, yet still validates me.

Give without expecting

Because Love is the gift that keeps giving. If you’re giving so that your ‘kind gesture’ would be reciprocated someway or somehow, or so that you’ll be seen as a good person, then you’re doing a business transaction. If you’ve read this post, you’ll know how God saved me and is still saving me from receiving praise or acknowledgment from men as my reward. Right now I even cringe at the thought of being in the spotlight because I don’t want to be seen. If God uses me to help you or provide a need, all glory to his name and the ability he’s given me. If my writing blesses you, God’s name be praised. It could be anybody else and the fact that he used me is humbling.

Now, this doesn’t mean I’ve died completely to being unseen because it’s a daily death process, but I find so much contentment in not being seen because I’m finally settling into God’s validation of me.

I hope this post helps you to come to terms with God’s vision of you and for you, for only his vision for you will stand the test of time.

Bloom with Love. Xx!